I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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