Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
