If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
