Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
