her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
