Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
