oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
