After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
