Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
