Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
