i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
nutella sex= disaster
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
