So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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