And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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