her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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