you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
