Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
