I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
