I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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