she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
