Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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