Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
