You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
