People in love make me want to vomit
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
