just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
