Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
