I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
