It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
