i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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