At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
