My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
