I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
