If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am mentally ready for anal.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
