We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
