Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
