He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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