Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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