just come out here and I will go home with you...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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