laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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