WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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