yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
