When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
