I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
