people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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