We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
