Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO