This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM