and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
