Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
