I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Bring me that man meat
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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