she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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