Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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