i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
