he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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