So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
no, he came in my armpit
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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