My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
