the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize