So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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