Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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