Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
