She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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