I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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